I am never getting married it picked a beautiful ring thank you we’re never having kids come over here you’re never moving to the suburbs we are never getting one of those I’m never letting you go you really sure that’s the phrasing you want to use and look what’s happened literally every single other time you said I’m never doing this I grew up seeing things a little differently appearing disappearing are they in a central tied down to the ground I learned to roll up tombow with the punches glory and my stripes and spots walk by invisible and never make a sound but heavy is the crown that’s always hidden Tender is the heart you never see hard and fast shines the grin then we flash but there’s a rebel strike put two on me maybe any place outside or what the land is not only my friend if I leave migrant behind we’re all mad here and it’s you know with all these Land Before Time movies that are in existence and Land Before Time minigames and the Land Before Time TV show I can’t help but think that Universal spent most of the 90s and 2000’s just and the stories they came up with you can tell they were just reaching they weren’t even grasping at straws they were just reaching for them you know like with today’s movie what’s the story the Great Valley is plate with bad luck because Lilliput and his friends accidentally enacted the curse put in place by a lone ranger Ellen yep why are you coming back to me I’ve got nothing I’ve sent the premise and that’s pretty much all I can say to build this thing up just play the movie already so the movie starts in at first it fools you into thinking you’ll be watching a Fantasia movie or something or should say it tries to fool you into thinking you’ll be watching a Fantasia movie or something does the animators when they’re working on a Fantasia project usually just give it their all this animation it still looks like you’re just summing from a flipbook so we start our movie in the Great Valley where we see that grandpa longneck much like the people who make Land Before Time movies think it’s epic to tell a story about one thing by beginning it with a completely unrelated Earth’s first century opening since the very beginning of our world there have been wonderful stories about how life began and many ways of explaining how our world itself was formed and how the first strange incredible creatures came to walk upon the land after many crossings of the bright circle great herds began to appear on the land and what is he building up to the lone dinosaur long long ago the earth was formed and from the superhot gases in the water the first signs of life were born and many years later the first creature crawled out of the water and took its first look at an unknown world and then there was Batman did we miss a scene did he start telling another story before going into the lone dinosaur quick this – a quick go over alright let’s see okay evolution trumping creationism Littlefoot can’t keep his mouth shut ethnic pride still exists sarah has nieces now long knickers in the Great Valley Sharptooth showing up low dynasty wait go back a minute sarah has nieces now okay I was unaware that she had siblings old enough to give birth but

okay oh wow and they talk like that this is gonna be just darling well anyway grandpa longneck story tell us about how a Sharptooth got into the Great Valley many many years ago so even way back when the Great Valley was simply just a valley nothing great or special about it carnivores even back then still came and went as they pleased so much for the minor pilgrimage subplot that serves as the central focus of the first movie so anyway the Sharptooth is making all the herbivores run away when someone known as the lone dinosaur shows up to fight the Sharptooth did he just make a Godzilla roar well anyway despite getting a nasty scratch on his face the lone dinosaur wins the fight and one young onlooker and his mother oh gods what’s wrong with your eyes anyway they watch as the lone dinosaur leaves then some time later an earthquake hits the Great Valley herbivores paradise no dangers ever everyone is free to roam and do what they wants the perfect place to call home frankly I think the center of the earth is a safer place to live so the earthquake results of the rock formation emerging from the ground that looks like a longneck so they called it shorris rock ok you remember last time when I said that I was willing to suspend my disbelief that nobody knew that a Greek species name despite them all using the word dinosaur a lot well when they literally use the ancient Greek word for lizard in their vernacular to name a rock formation that looks like one of their kinds let’s just say that suspension of disbelief is going away pretty quickly in this place is the want to find the people who wrote this movie and then slap them repeatedly upside the head with enough force to leave them blinds they say if you look very closely you can see the circle of teeth around its neck real teeth the story goes that they came from the very Sharptooth the lone dinosaur defeated but they do say that if anything ever happens to Saurus rock that rock will descend upon the great valley source rock yeah so that night Littlefoot has a dream where he’s the lone dinosaur it’s stupid and corny but standard kid stuff so I’m not complaining too much though I must ask why Littlefoot would want to be the lone dinosaur fighting the Sharptooth of the legends while still being a young long neck wouldn’t he want to be a bigger version of himself I love this though he swatched the Sharptooth toe in his tail and the thing hops away like he’s elmer fudd or something oh you wascally Wong neck but while he’s sleeping another long neck enters the Great Valley look he’s up on that cliff all alone he’s a lone dinosaur if you will so the next morning the kids are eating breakfast while Sarah’s niece sar defying the laws of physics and eventually Sarah’s dad shows up to scold them don’t you kids realize this is the time of the changing tree stars autumn it’s autumn or you can say fall I’ll accept that too but you can’t have a rock formation named Saurus rock and then the season name the time of the changing tree stars just like how you can’t have oceans and swarming leaf gobblers if you’re going to come up with a simplistic language make it consistence if you’re so against using seasonal terms like fall I’d be probably be less annoyed if you had Sarah’s father say that the kids do you realize this is the time when the tree stars fall from the trees so after Sarah’s father yells at them Littlefoot gets an idea of course dweeb and does everyone say a lone dinosaur like that wrong dinosaur the lone dinosaur the lone dinosaur even Gerald Moore knew that constantly saying Lone Ranger over and over again was stupid and he only had to do it a few times in the half hour every week so Littlefoot explains how to play the game and he says they’re gonna play they don’t put it to a vote or anything he just explains how they’re gonna play a lone dinosaur and then they play a lone dinosaur it’s like watching the kids version of the Resident Evil movies they serve no purpose I said to just jerk off the main characters ego and speaking of stroking ones ego while the kids are acting out the lone dinosaur legends that loner longneck from earlier shows up and say Littlefoot from falling to his death name’s doc so doc says that he’s just passing through the Great Valley for a few days presumably after

saving the mining town of Lago from bandits and of course sarah’s father continues fulfilling his writer ordained role of taint licker what’s ours is yours what but it’s the time of the changing tree stars it’s the fall every day there’s less food go around there’s still plenty for all huh long necks always stick together don’t you appreciate Sarah’s father for who he is he’s like a racist old man who sits on his front porch with a shotgun and no one likes to talk to him not that he wants to talk to any of them anyway so Littlefoot goes to think doc for saving his life went dark reveals that he’s been to the Great Valley before and Littlefoot notices his scar where’d you get that scar cut myself on wood something sharp like a tooth a short tooth no like a sharp claw he was scratched meanwhile a little foots friends are playing in the mud hey my skin feel softer already why are you touching your beak so when the movie demonstrates that it’s apparently possible for a dinosaurs with rigid feet to leap from one bud bubble to another like they’re stepping stones little foot shows up to tell them that he just figured out daucus the lone dinosaur long ago on a mountaintop a mighty egg was burned by the light of the circle bribed and cooled by the forest shade then one stormy evening when I see rain to pour out of the egg appeared the leg of the lone dinosaur a ballad you know I’m not a huge fan of country music don’t get me wrong I like some country songs I even like some country singers but I hate this five mean he’ll be better by the carnival the children know the word carnivore you and after the song everyone but Sarah just buys into his lone dinosaur theory I don’t even get it they asked him to prove it he’s saying a shitty song about spouting over-exaggerated about the lone dinosaur he just made up and that’s apparently all the proof they need my god these movies are stupid so Sarah’s nieces sneak off to Saurus Rock and then hours later no one knows they’re gone you sure you feel up to it friend well this does accurately show how obsessed kids can get over a fictional characters the next morning the kids are looking all over the Great Valley for Sarah’s nieces and they realize they may have gone off to Saurus Rock while they head over there Sarah reminisce is their first words shiny peep I know know whatever that means that means the bright circle is shining in my eyes and it hurts how do you know that I am also a trick okay twins have been known to make up their own languages when they’re young enough but obviously no one else can understand them so while everyone makes their way to Saurus Rock a sharp tooth picks up the twins trail because this is a Land Before Time movie sharp teeth are the best we’ve got so after a chase scene with the sharp tooth the kids find the twins on top of Saurus Rock and they fall breaking off one of the Sharptooth bangs around the long neck’s deck and after yet another Sharptooth chase they make it back to the Great Valley in one piece and your dad never even knew they ran away ran away Sarris rock Sarah it was your duty to watch the twins and you failed but she brought them back so Sarah’s father scolds her about not watching the twins all the wild not really watching the twins and hello the twins parents why is the responsibility of watching the twins solely on Sarah’s shoulders it was approximately eight hours before anyone knew they were gone Sarah’s father’s just being lazy much like the writers and ducky puts the blame on bad luck referencing the ominous curse of Saurus rock first we had bad luck then the whole great value we’ll have bad luck then maybe the whole dinosaur world will have bad luck then maybe even the whole universe I didn’t hear her very well did she say something about bedrock so the next morning ducky spike in Petrie have a few bad run-ins with bees and this is apparently proof enough to everyone that bad luck has befallen the Great Valley

this movie is butchering the blues now look they even have spiked portray a saxophone firmament room again of course and as luck would have it a lot of bad things do start happening in the valley like the watering hole drying up you know the last time that happened it was because of a blockage go into the mysterious beyond and check to see if it’s happened again it’s not beyond the scope of possibility but of course the first thing little bit over here is this that it’s just bad luck further fueling his guilt complex what exactly is the moral of this movie so little forego so ask doc for advice and the advice he gives him is basically if you can fix a problem fix it and if you can’t there’s nothing you can do about it but what kills me about this teen is doc flat-out tells us that there are other valleys in the world that are just like the Great Valley this valley is nice but there are others just as nice out there somewhere you see the Great Valley legend that was repeatedly beaten into our skulls with a crowbar in the first movie was nothing more than a bedtime story to give themselves and their children some false hope of a leap years paradise I bet they’re not even in it I bet that they’re not even in the Great Valley they’re just in a big valley but I bet they spent the entire first movie looking for something that doesn’t even exist and they were just extremely fortunate enough to find a lush Valley where their families happen to be as well the Great Valley is just like every other legend in this world intangible unattainable unrealistic and all those other worlds that’s george carlin view is to describe christian mythology these movies are literally negating everything the first movie showed us why are there people out there who liked them so much later that day a tornado shows up and completely wrecks the valley Littlefoot is caught in the middle trying to find his grandfather but just before the start him up doc shows up to shield him after the storm passes and grandpa longneck thanks doc again the adults of the great start blaming doc for their bad luck since it all started shortly after he arrives please everyone you’re being unfair understand me long neck I’m not saying anything against the fellow I’m just saying he’s a harbinger of doom who leaves the trail of destruction in his wake and when you think about it is that really such a horrible thing so little foots upset by the adults allegations about doc causing the bad luck and eager to make him stay ghost to Suarez Rock to fix this on the way he sings the song that was probably written by a man named McBroom when you’re on your own life is so exciting when you’re on your own the world is big and wide you see that I’m differentiating between the shitty songs likely written by Michelle Brauer man and be not so shitty songs likely written by Amanda McGrail play along at home play spot the McBroom if you’re watching away before a Thai movie and you come across a song that’s not as lucky as all the other ones chances are that’s the one that Amanda McBroom Rose here’s a helpful hint it’s almost always the last song in the movie but be careful she didn’t write songs for all the Land Before Time sequel so littlefoot’s friends figure out that he went to source rock to fix the bad luck and they have grandpa longneck help to go get him meanwhile Littlefoot is going down into the ravine where he left the Sharptooth unconscious the other day and ever the idiot he prised the sharptooth’s mouths open gets inside and tries to push a tooth out weak I’m inside but any circus where why would there be a breeze unless it’s breathing but if it’s breathing then that means and Darwin award goes to so Littlefoot manages to lose the Sharptooth when another one shows up because we can never have any complex villains in these movies it’s always either sharp teeth or the almonds my guts the most memorable villains from these movies were the Sharptooth from the very first movie and those Pinky and the brain rejects so grandpa longneck and the others show up and just when it looks like he’s putting up a good fight the other Sharptooth shows up in the tables turn and just the right moment doc arrives to help grandpa long the couch and together they save that day it’s a good thing sharp teeth aren’t very smart and of course they get a tooth so duck off reminding Littlefoot that his grandfather’s a hero too and

they Jam the Sharptooth bang back onto the neck of source rock I know I know there’s no such thing as bad luck but there’s no harm in making sure except that we almost died getting here all seems lost for the leafeaters that terrible Sharptooth had them cornered his massive teeth checked blood as he threw his head back and roared are they seriously doing this they’re still obsessed with this damn lone dinosaur legends a great dinosaur oh just end already this movie has no point literally if you were watching the film serious and just skipped this one you’d miss nothing except a shitty country-western ballad what was the main characters goal in this movie what was the conflict what was the moral did the writers just forget to put in applause what why was a major focus of the movie bad luck why are there lines spoken in this movie that negates everything taught in the rest of the series why was this movie made d-minus I’m surveying the dark in the next lesson I see I kill