>> Announcer: STARS OF THE CBS COMEDY SERIES “THE JEFFERSONS,” ISABEL SANFORD, SHERMAN HEMSLEY, AND MARLA GIBBS ( APPLAUSE ) >> WE ARE DELIGHTED TO BE HERE, REPRESENTING THE AMERICAN FAMILY IN ALL ITS GLORIOUS SHADES, SIZES, AND VARIATIONS FAMILY LIFE IS ONE OF TV’S MOST POPULAR SUBJECTS IT’S YOUR TURN, TURKEY >> I KNOW IT’S MY TURN WHAT AM I, SOME KIND OF IDIOT? >> YOU SAID IT, NOT ME >> MARLA, SHERMAN, STOP FIGHTING WE’RE NOT THE JEFFERSONS ANYMORE WE’RE OURSELVES >> AS LONG AS WE CASH THOSE RESIDUAL CHECKS, WE’RE STILL THE JEFFERSONS >> THOSE WERE THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES >> SPEAK FOR YOURSELF >> CAN WE GET ON WITH THE SHOW? THROUGH THE YEARS, CBS HAS FEATURED FAMILIES WHO LIVE IN MANSIONS, APARTMENTS, SUBURBAN CONDOS, AND EVEN A CABIN IN THE WOODS >> WE TUNE THEM IN, AND LIKE US, THE JEFFERSONS, WE’RE DELIGHTED TO DISCOVER HOW FUNNY, HOW LOVING, AND HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL SOME OF THEM CAN BE >> AMEN! >> ALL THESE FAMILIES ARE THE HEART OF TELEVISION, A TIMELESS REMINDER THAT THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME >> WILL WE HAVE TO WAIT MUCH LONGER? >> IT’S EIGHT OR NINE MILES BACK TO THE MAIN HIGHWAY IT’S TOO FAR FOR YOU TO WALK, AND I CAN’T LEAVE YOU ( BARKING ) >> LASSIE WANTS TO KNOW IF SHE CAN HELP >> YOU KNOW, SOMETHING, GIRL, I THINK MAYBE YOU CAN NOW, YOU TAKE IT, GIRL HERE, TAKE IT NOW, LISTEN, LASSIE WE NEED HELP BRING SOMEBODY HERE, UNDERSTAND? GOOD GIRL >> I DON’T BELIEVE IN PUNISHING CHILDREN, BUT I ALSO DON’T BELIEVE IN CODDLING THEM >> DON’T WORRY I’M NOT GOING TO CODDLE THEM I WON’T CODDLE THEM >> AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT >> NO, I WON’T FORGET IT ALL RIGHT, DON’T GET EXCITED >> BOY, HAVE I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU >> YEAH, WELL, I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU, TOO NOW, YOU SEE HERE, YOUNG MAN >> DANNY, DON’T YOU DARE LAY A HAND ON THIS CHILD ( LAUGHTER ) >> WONDERFUL DINNER, MARGARET >> WELL, IT’S CERTAINLY A TREAT HAVING STEAKS NOWADAYS >> I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS YOUNGSTER ON A FARM WE USED TO HAVE STEAK EVERY MORNING FOR BREAKFAST >> DID YOU EVER HAVE ANY BUFFALO STEAK? >> BUFFALO? >> SURE WEREN’T THEY ROAMING THE PLAINS IN THOSE DAYS? >> BERNIE, THANKS FOR TAKING US ON AS YOUR FAMILY WE’LL TRY TO DO A GOOD JOB >> I THINK EVERYBODY IS NEAT >> GOOD NIGHT, BOYS >> MR. DOUGLAS, IS IT OKAY IF I CALL YOU DAD? >> I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING MISSING AROUND HERE, AND THAT WAS IT SURE YOU CAN CALL ME DAD GOOD NIGHT, SON >> GOOD NIGHT, DAD >> HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT? THERE WE GO LET’S DO A GOOD ONE HERE HEY, LET’S EAT >> LOSE SOMETHING, CISSY? >> MY TRANSISTOR I CAN’T FIND IT >> HERE IT IS >> I’M FIXING IT >> OH, JOEY I WISH YOU’D ASK PERMISSION BEFORE YOU DO SUCH THINGS YOU RUINED IT IT WORKS >> WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? I DO KNOW HOW ( THEME FROM “DALLAS” PLAYING ) >> TELL ME, J.R., WHICH SLUT ARE YOU GOING TO STAY WITH TONIGHT? >> WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? WHOEVER IT IS HAS GOT TO BE TO MORE INTERESTING THAN THE SLUT I’M LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW >> VAL >> YOU THINK I’M INCAPABLE? I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, KAREN I CAN MAKE THE COFFEE AS WELL AS YOU CAN, AND I CAN LIVE MY LIFE AS WELL AS YOU CAN, OR DON’T YOU WANT TO ADMIT THERE ARE OTHER STRONG PEOPLE IN THE WORLD LIKE YOU? DO YOU WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE? >> NO >> WELL, THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME LAURA WAS DYING?

>> MY FATHER’S DREAMS FOR FALCON CREST BECAME JASON’S AND MINE AND NOW THAT HE’S GONE, THE RESPONSIBILITY OF TURNING THOSE DREAMS INTO REALITY BELONGS TO ME >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? >> SICILIAN TRADITION, JOEL >> YOU’RE GOING TO RUN OUT THAT DOOR, DOWN MAIN STREET, OUT TO HIGHWAY ONE IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYBODY IN NEAR-FREEZING TEMPERATURES WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON? >> LET’S GO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> BEING A CASE WORKER FOR THE ALMIGHTY HAS BEEN MY GREATEST JOY I JUST WANT TO SAY, I LOVE YOU >> WE LOVE YOU, TOO, BABY NOW, BLOW >> WE’VE BEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE FOR 16 YEARS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE SURE IT’S GOING TO LAST? I CAN’T IMAGINE LIFE OR LOVE WITHOUT YOU >> IT’S THE SOUNDS OF THIS HOUSE THAT I’LL NEVER FORGET, ESPECIALLY THAT ONE MOMENT WHEN WE’RE ALL IN BED, WE’RE ALL SAFE, WE’RE ALL TOGETHER, JUST BEFORE WE GO TO SLEEP, THEN WE SAY GOOD NIGHT TO EACH OTHER >> GOOD NIGHT, ELIZABETH >> GOOD NIGHT, JOHNBOY GOOD NIGHT, JIM BOB >> GOOD NIGHT >> Announcer: STAR OF THE CBS COMEDY SERIES “MURPHY BROWN,” PLEASE WELCOME CANDICE BERGEN >> IN 1948 THE CBS NETWORK BROUGHT ONE OF ITS DRAMATIC RADIO PROGRAMS, “STUDIO ONE,” TO TELEVISION LIKE THE RADIO SERIES, THE SHOW WAS AN AMBITIOUS ATTEMPT TO PRESENT WEEKLY PLAYS FEATURING BIG-NAME ACTORS MAKING IT EVEN MORE AMBITIOUS WAS THE FACT THAT THE SHOW WAS PERFORMED LIVE “STUDIO ONE,” WAS FOLLOWED ON CBS BY A NUMBER OF DRAMATIC ANTHOLOGIES, WHICH ATTRACTED AN OUTSTANDING ARRAY OF TALENT IN FRONT OF THE LENS WERE SOME OF THE BRIGHTEST STARS OF BROADWAY AND HOLLYWOOD BEHIND THE SCENES WERE BRILLIANT WRITERS, INCLUDING ROD SERLING AND REGINALD ROSE LET’S LOOK AT SOME OF THE MOST COMPELLING MOMENTS OF LIVE TV, STARTING WITH MICKEY ROONEY AND THE PLAYHOUSE 90 PRODUCTION OF “THE COMEDIAN.” >> JOHNNY, JOHNNY, GET THE WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD IT GET THE BOOM DOWN SO I CAN TALK, WATCH OUT DON’T HIT IT HERE I CAN HEAR YOU LISTEN LOOK, LORD BYRON ( LAUGHTER ) WAIT A MINUTE COME ON, HOLD IT SHUT UP! AND YOU SHUT UP, TOO, GEORGE LOOK, LORD BYRON, IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO THE COMMON FOLKS, COME OUT AND TALK FACE TO FACE DON’T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT CAPTAIN VIDEO BIT BEHIND THE GLASS WHERE ARE YOU GOING? OH, IT’S WARDROBE IT’S ALL RIGHT, HONEY, GO AHEAD YOU CALL THIS GUY A DIRECTOR LOOK, IF MY SO-CALLED WRITERS ARE AROUND HERE, THEY CAN SEND THIS BABY BACK TO THE LAUNDRY, I’LL TELL YOU THAT >> “PLAYHOUSE 90.” >> “WESTINGHOUSE STUDIO ONE, IN HOLLYWOOD.” >> THE “DUPONT SHOW OF THE MONTH.” >> THE “GENERAL ELECTRIC THEATER.” >> HERE IS RONALD RAEGAN >> GOOD EVENING >> TALK IS SO CHEAP, SO AWFULLY

CHEAP >> WELL, I KNOW THAT, BUT THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN’T >> SH! >> THEY’RE SHAVING THE HAIR OFF OF MY HEAD, AND I KNOW IT! MY MOTHER DON’T KNOW IT DO YOU HEAR ME? >> DID YOU KILL MRS. WALLATON? >> DON’T ASK ME THAT! DON’T ASK ME THAT! >> YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE START THE WAR >> I SHOULD NOT HAVE STARTED THE WAR? SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS TO ME WELL, I INVADED POLAND >> TWO EYEWITNESSES: ONE WAS A TOWN DRUNK, ANOTHER MAN SO OLD HIS EYES COULD HARDLY SEE SAM, THIS TOWN IS MURDERING THAT BOY, AND YOU KNOW IT >> I LEFT MY LAST JOB BECAUSE I GOT HIT SO MUCH, I WAS ON MY WAY TO PUNCHY LAND >> PUNCHY LAND? >> SURE YOU FIGHT SO LONG YOU WALK AROUND ON YOUR HEELS, LISTENING TO BELLS, NADINE! >> BOTHERS YOU TOO MUCH, DOESN’T IT, HUH? WELL, IT DIDN’T BOTHER LAST WEEK TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING WITH YOUR HANDS AT YOUR SIDES AND LET GIBBINS BEAT YOU TO A PULP FOR SEVEN ROUNDS IT DIDN’T BOTHER YOU A BIT, DID IT? IT DIDN’T BOTHER YOU THAT I PUT ALL MY MONEY ON YOU WHEN THEY SAID YOU WOULDN’T GO FOR THREE >> Announcer: “CBS AT 75” WILL RETURN WITH COMEDY STAR CAROL BURNETT, SPECIAL TRIBUTES TO VARIETY AND SPORTS, PLUS MANY MORE GREAT CBS STARS >> Announcer: “CBS AT 75,” SPONSORED BY: PAXIL-C.R CREST WHITENING EXPRESSIONS AND BY THE ALL-NEW AOL 9.0 OPTIMIZED LIFE NEEDS UPGRADES IN A WORLD ABOUT TO CHANGE ONE MAN MUST RISE UP AND LEAD AOL 9.0 OPTIMIZED STAND UP, AND GET THE EXPLOSIVE POWER THE NEW YORK TIMES CALLS, “THE INTERNET SIMPLIFIED STREAMLINED AND SANITIZED FOR YOUR PROTECTION” CALL NOW AND SEE HOW THE FILTERS DRASTICALLY CUT SPAM GET 9.0 OPTIMIZED AND GET A TON OF CONTENT SEE WHY THE CRITICS AGREE AOL RETURNS TO THE TOP WITH NEW VERSION 9.0 SIGN UP FOR AOL 9.0 OPTIMIZED TODAY AND GET A 45 DAY FREE TRIAL AOL 9.0 OPTIMIZES ANY DIAL-UP, HIGH SPEED CABLE OR DSL CONNECTION TO GET AOL 9.0 OPTIMIZED GO TO AOL.COM LOOK FOR A DISC IN YOUR MAIL OR CALL 1-800-509-1545 NOW OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY [quiet, nighttime sounds] [car door closes] [door creaks] [stairs squeak] [quiet bedroom sounds] [water running from the sink] MMM (Emeril) BAM! BAM! BAM! [dogs barking and car alarms] (male announcer) INTRODUCING CREST WHITENING EXPRESSIONS IN KICKIN’ NEW FLAVORS: CINNAMON RUSH, FRESH CITRUS BREEZE, AND EXTREME HERBAL MINT THAT REALLY KICKS IT UP A NOTCH (announcer) THE WHITENING WON’T SURPRISE YOU, BUT THE TASTE WILL READY TO GO HEADED TO WORK FELT LIKE MYSELF Announcer: PEOPLE WHO SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION ARE SAYING PAXIL CR MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN HOW THEY FEEL ALL DAY DEPRESSION USUALLY FEELS LIKE A PERSISTENT LOW MOOD, LOSS OF INTEREST, AND OFTEN SOME OF THESE OTHER SYMPTOMS LASTING AT LEAST TWO WEEKS ONLY PAXIL CR’S SPECIAL COATING ALLOWS FOR A CONTROLLED RELEASE FOR CONTINUOUS RELIEF ALL DAY PRESCRIPTION PAXIL CR IS NOT FOR EVERYONE PEOPLE TAKING MAOIs OR THIORIDIZINE SHOULD NOT TAKE PAXIL CR TELL YOUR DOCTOR WHAT MEDICINES YOU’RE TAKING SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE NAUSEA, DIARRHEA, CONSTIPATION, DIZZINESS, SWEATING, TREMOR, SEXUAL SIDE EFFECTS, INJURY, YAWN, ABNORMAL VISION, OR SLEEPINESS DON’T STOP TAKING PAXIL CR BEFORE TALKING TO YOUR DOCTOR, SINCE SYMPTOMS MAY RESULT FROM STOPPING THE MEDICINE OR FROM YOUR ORIGINAL CONDITION ASK YOUR DOCTOR WHY PAXIL CR HELPS SO MANY PEOPLE FEEL LIKE ME AGAIN WHAT ARE YOU MAKING? CONDENSED SOUP? THE KIDS ARE GONE WE’RE MOVING ON NOW WE CAN EAT A BETTER-TASTING SOUP FOR GROWN-UPS PROGRESSO CHICKEN NOODLE? ALL WHITE MEAT CHICKEN, ADULT-SIZED VEGGIES SEE THE DIFFERENCE? THIS TASTES WAY BETTER (female announcer) TO EXFOLIATE YOUR SKIN EVERY DAY, WOULD YOU USE SOMETHING HARD OR SOMETHING THAT POLISHES GENTLY? DOVE’S NEW CREAMY EXFOLIATING BODY WASH WITH TINY BEADS AND MOISTURIZING LOTION: FRESH SKIN DAILY

>> SPEAKING FOR ALL MY COLLEAGUES, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR INVITING US TO BE PART OF CBS’S 75th >> OVER THE YEARS WE’VE WITNESSED A REVOLUTION IN SPORTS BROADCASTING EVENTS THAT USED TO BE AVAILABLE ONLY ON VIDEOTAPE CAN NOW BE SEEN IN REAL TIME AND THANKS TO NEW INNOVATIONS IN TECHNOLOGY, WE CAN NOW GO LIVE ANYTIME, ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD >> WELL, LET’S GO, FELLAHS, COME ON >> Announcer: PLEASE WELCOME CBS SPORTS ANCHORS JIM NANTZ, DAN MARINO, DEION SANDERS, AND BOOMER ESIASON >> NOW IF I COULD ONLY HAVE THAT SCREEN FOR MY MORNING COMMUTE THERE ARE CERTAIN WORDS AND PHRASES THAT NATURALLY GO TOGETHER, LIKE NEON AND DEION NUR PRIME TIME >> I AM IN PRIME TIME? >> YOU’RE IN PRIME TIME >> I GROUP WATCHING THE JEFFERSONS YOU TOLD ME I WAS MOVING ON UP XWSHGS TIMES YOU TOLD KNOW HANG IN THERE COULD HAVE A GOOD TIME MARY TYLER MOORE TOLD ME I COULD TURN THE WORLD ON WITH MY SMILE MAGNUM WAS COOL HE HAD THE CAR >> I WAS A GILLIGAN GUY BECAUSE USED TO LOVE MARYANNE JIM HOW ABOUT YOU? >> MARYANNE DEFINITELY >> I WAS MORE OF A GINGER >> MRS. HOWELL MAN SHETD MONEY >> THAT’S PRETTY GOOD >> LISTEN, WE ARE CBS SPORTS AND WE’RE PROUD THAT HAVE AND WE HAVE COVERED IT ALL THROUGH THE YEARS OUR PROUD DEPARTMENT WE HAVE SEEN LEGENDS AND HEROES FROM EVERY ATHLETIC ENDEAVOR TRAIL BLAZERS LIKE AVERAGEURE A, MAGIC BIRD AND CHAMPIONS ALSO LIKE ARNOLD JACK AND TIGER WOODS >> LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE GREATEST MOMENTS OF THE GREATEST ATHLETES IN THE WORLD >> HELLO, EVERYBODY THIS IS LINDSAY NELSON >> I’M JACK WHITAKER FROM TODAY ON, WE’LL BE BRINGING YOU THE BEST OF SPORTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD >> THE EIGHTH WINTER OLYMPIC GAMES! THIS IS WALTER CRONKITE REPORTING >> AND THE GAME IS OVER, THE UNITED STATES WINS! >> GOOD EVENING I’M JIM McKAY SPEAKING TO YOU FROM OUR CBS ANCHOR STUDIO FOR THE 17th MODERN OLYMPIC GAMES >> ARNOLD PALMER IS THE MASTERS CHAMPION OF 1960 >> NOW, UP THE HILL ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> IT JUST WENT LIKE THAT THAT’S ONE OF THE GREATEST PUTTS I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE >> MAYBE YES, SIR! >> THERE IT IS, A WIN FOR THE AGES! >> THAT’S THE GAME, ARTHUR ASHE >> BILLIE JEAN KING >> BOBBY ORR! THE NEW YORK ISLANDERS HAVE WON THE STANLEY CUP! >> GREAT RUN, FLY >> JUST ANOTHER DAY OUT IN THE MOJAVE DESERT >> NOW COMES ALI WITH >> NOW SPINKS COMES ON! LEON SPINKS HAS WON THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD! >> SECRETARIAT IS GOING TO BE THE TRIPLE CROWN WINNER! >> AFFIRMED AND ALLEY ARE HEADS APART AFFIRMED HAS GOT A NOSE IN FRONT AS >> IT’S THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE’S CHAMPIONSHIP GAME JACK, YOUR THOUGHTS HERE AS WE’RE MOMENTS AWAY FROM THE KICKOFF >> I THINK IT’S VERY COLD, RAY >> YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE! >> WE’RE INSIDE 30 SECONDS THE EAGLES HAVE NO TIME-OUTS WAIT A MINUTE! HERE’S A FREE BALL I DON’T BELIEVE IT THE EAGLES PICK IT UP, AND HERMAN EDWARDS RUNS IT IN FOR A TOUCHDOWN! >> MONTANA LOOKING, LOOKING, GOING IN THE END ZONE >> DONNY ALLISON THROWS THE

BLOCK DALE HENSON GOES BY AT THE TURN THEY’RE HITTING THE WALL! >> AND THERE’S A FIGHT BETWEEN KALE YARBOROUGH AND DONNY ALLISON >> DALE EARNHARDT FINALLY IS THE CHAMPION OF THE DAYTONA 500 >> THREE SECONDS HE’S GOING TO WIN HIS SECOND! PUSHING FORWARD TO FIGHT WITH A PLAYER >> LARRY BIRD >> OH, WHAT A PLAY! >> HERE COMES MAGIC! >> PUT IN THE HIGH LIFE, BILL! >> MICHAEL JORDAN HAS DONE IT FOR CHICAGO! >> SLEEPY FLOY! >> OH, THREW IT TO THE WRONG MAN! >> OH, IT’S A LONG WAYS >> THEY WON IT! >> THERE’S THE PAST TO LAKER PUTS IT UP YES! >> FLUTIE FLUSHED, THROWS IT DOWN CAUGHT BY BOSTON COLLEGE! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! >> IT’S NOT GOING TO HOLD ME! >> THINGS LIKE THIS JUST DON’T HAPPEN! >> WHAT A GREAT MOMENT FOR NANCY KERRIGAN! >> DAN JANSEN’S OLYMPIC ORDEAL MAY FINALLY BE OVER! >> OH! WHAT A CRASH BY MEYER! >> AND HE IS SAFE! THE BRAVES WIN THE WORLD SERIES! >> CARTER, WITH A THREE-RUN HOMER! THE WINNERS AND STILL WORLD CHAMPIONS, THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS! >> McENROE! >> CONNORS! >> HE’S DONE IT, HIS 14th GRAND SLAM TITLE >> SERENA WILLIAMS, THREE GRAND SLAMS IN A ROW! >> THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE OR WHO WE’RE THROWING TO >> IT SCARES ME, BUT I UNDERSTAND IT COMPLETELY >> THE BLITZ IS OFF TO DALLAS THEY PICK IT UP THEY THROW IT OUT THERE WHAT A CATCH! >> IT DOESN’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS >> FROM MY VISION, IT’S ON THE LINE >> YES >> THAT’S A TOUCHDOWN >> WHY DON’T YOU SHOW HOW THAT BITCH WORKS? YOU KNOW ABOUT SITTING ON THAT AND KEEPING IT WARM! >> I THINK IT’S SAFE TO SAY THAT THIS WILL BE TALKED ABOUT QUITE A BIT! >> GOOD! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE ) >> Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CAROL BURNETT >> THANK YOU SO MUCH ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE KINGDOM OF CBS-TONIA, THERE LIVED A WISE RULER NAMED SIR WILLIAM OF PALEY WHO WAS EASILY BORED “WHAT WE NEED IS SOME VARIETY,” HE TOLD HIS KNIGHTS OF THE SINGLE EYE SO THEY SCOURED THE KINGDOM AND BROUGHT FORTH THE FOLLOWING FROM THE HAMLET OF STIFFNESS, THEY UNCOVERED SIR EDWARD OF SULLIVAN FROM THE VILLAGE OF SLAPSTICK CAME LORD JACKIE OF GLEASON DOZENS OF OTHER CLASSIC CLOWNS AND MINSTRELS, FROM THE GENTLE JESTER SIR GARRY OF MOORE TO THE CRUSADING CRUSADERS, SIR TOM AND SIR DICK OF SMOTHERS, JOINED THE PARADE, AND WITHIN A FORTNIGHT, THEY WERE ALL ASSEMBLED IN ONE GREAT HALL SIR WILLIAM OF PALEY LOOKED AT THIS STUNNING ASSEMBLAGE AND PROCLAIMED, “I GIVETH TO EACH OF THEE A SOLEMN COMMITMENT FOR 13 WEEKS, FIRM NOW GO FORTH AND MAKE ME A PLETHORA OF VARIETY SERIES AND IF THERE IS ONE AMONGST YOU WHO CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH MY TWO ILLEGITIMATE SONS, SIR HARVEY OF KORMAN AND SIR TIM OF CONWAY, PLEASE SIGNIFY BY PULLING YOUR LEFT EAR.” AND SO IT WAS DONE, AND HERE IS THE RESULT >> GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN CBS PRESENTS THE “TOAST OF THE TOWN,” STARRING THE NATIONALLY SYNDICATED COLUMNIST ED SULLIVAN >> GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN >> ♪ HE’S THE TOAST OF THE TOWN THE PRIDE AND BOAST OF THE TOWN. ♪ >> NOW WE’RE GOING TO OPEN OUR SHOW WITH A VERY WONDERFUL ACT, GREAT W.C. HEN ( MUTED TRUMPET PLAYING ) THE MOST AMAZING YOUNG TALENTS >> VERY DIFFICULT >> FOR YOU FOR ME, IT’S EASY >> ♪ I COULD HAVE DANCED ALL NIGHT ♪ I COULD HAVE DANCED ALL NIGHT… ♪ >> ♪ WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN. ♪ >> ♪ YOU’RE LOOKING IN SOMEONE’S EYES ♪ YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE

THAT THIS COULD BE THE START OF SOMETHING BIG. ♪ >> THE GREATEST DANCER IN THE WORLD EVER HAS PRODUCED, RUDOLPH NUREYEV ELVIS PRESLEY ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> ♪ YOU AIN’T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG CRYING ALL THE TIME ♪ YOU AIN’T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG CRYING ALL THE TIME ♪ WELL, YOU AIN’T NEVER CAUGHT A RABBIT ♪ AND YOU AIN’T NO FRIEND OF MINE. ♪ >> ♪ LET’S CRUISE THE OLD CARIBBEAN ♪ HAITI, JAMAICA, AND ALL OOH, THE TOMATOES ♪ THEY GROW IN BARBADOS LET’S GET AWAY FROM IT ALL. ♪ >> ♪ GIVE YOUR HEART AND SOUL TO ME ♪ AND LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE LOVING. ♪ >> IT’S GOOD TO HEAR THE APPLAUSE >> OH, WHY, SURE >> KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING >> AGAIN? >> YEAH >> ♪ THE BIRDIES THAT SING IN THE TREES I’M PLEASING TO LIVE. ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) >> THIS IS WHAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING THANK YOU THANK YOU, GIRLS YOU MAY GO THERE THEY GO, THREE PEAS IN THE POD HERE I AM, THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT >> ♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR YOU ♪ WE’LL MUDDLE THROUGH WHATEVER WE DO ♪ TOGETHER WHEREVER WE GO. ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) >> ♪ IT’S VERY NICE FOR YOU TO COME AND VISIT ME ♪ THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN ON THE TV ♪ SO COME RIGHT IN AND TALK TO ME ♪ WE’LL HAVE A GLASS OF TEA WHAT ELSE IS NEW. ♪ >> ♪ SO TIE A YELLOW RIBBON ‘ROUND THE OLD OAK TREE ♪ IT’S BEEN THREE LONG YEARS DO YOU STILL WANT ME >> ♪ I AM A LINEMAN FOR THE COUNTY AND I DRIVE THE MAIN ROADS. ♪ >> I TOLD YOUR MOTHER TO EXPECT THE PATTER OF LITTLE FEET AROUND THE HOUSE >> OH, YOU’RE KIDDING, CHER YOU MEAN, YOU >> THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S RIGHT YOU’RE SLEEPING AT HER HOUSE TONIGHT ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) >> Announcer: WHEN “CBS AT 75” CONTINUES, WILLIAM SHATNER, ANDY GRIFFITH, JIM NABORS, PLUS SCI- FI HIGHLIGHTS AND DAYTIME DRAMA’S MOST FAMOUS STARS FOR PRESCRIPTION NEXIUM? WELL, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD WAIT ‘TIL MORNING GET YOUR FREE TRIAL OFFER AT PURPLEPILL.COM OR BY CALLING CC HI, DADDY HEY, SWEETHEART I MISS YOU I MISS YOU TOO WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? I PLAYED SOCCER FOR YOUR MOST IMPORTANT CALLS REACH OUT. ON THE WIRELESS SERVICE AMERICA TRUSTS >> Announcer: “CBS AT 75” WILL

CONTINUE HERE ON CBS >> Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HARVEY KORMAN AND TIM CONWAY >> WHAT A NIGHT WHAT A BAND I COULD DANCE ALL NIGHT THIS IS SO FABULOUS TIM, YOU HAVE TO COME UP HERE YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS >> I CAN’T IT MAKES ME DIZZY WHEN I LOOK DOWN >> YOU CAN’T STAY DOWN THERE ALL NIGHT >> YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SOLD OUR TABLE TICKETS >> I COULDN’T RESIST IT, TIM IT WAS A LOT OF MONEY, ALL CASH >> WHO’S DOWN THERE? >> WELL, I CAN’T QUITE MAKE OUT FIGURES I SEE A HEAD IT’S EITHER ED ASNER OR GAFFIN Mac LOUD THERE IS CAROM HI CAROL IT’S HARVEY WE’RE UP HERE TIM, WAVE IT’S CAROL >> HI, HONEY >> COME ON YOU CAN’T SEE JUST COME UP HERE >> ARE YOU SURE HE’S DOWN THERE? >> YES JUST COME UP THERE AND SIT HERE AND HANG ON TIGHT DON’T WORRY THERE HE IS ( APPLAUSE ) ISN’T THAN A CREDIBLE? >> OH, GOD LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE DOWN THERE >> I TOLD YOU WE WOULD PACK THEM IN >> WHO ARE THOSE TWO PEOPLE AT CAROL’S TABLE? >> RON AND SHE’LL YAT PEOPLE I

SOLD THE TICKETS TO JUST LOOK… GET CLOSE TOGETHER HERE AND KIND OF SMILE A LOT OF VERY BIG TV EXECUTIVES THERE COULD BE A SERIES ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW FACES ( LAUGHTER ) >> YEAH A, GOSH MAYBE WE CAN EAT AT THE CAST PARTY AFTERWARDS >> WE’LL EAT SOMEWHERE ELSE THAT’S OKAY >> YOU STILL HAVE THE TICKETS TO THE CAST PARTY DON’T YOU? >> YEAH SORT OF >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORT OF IT >> I COULDN’T RESIST IT, TIM >> YOU DIDN’T CELTICETS DID YOU? >> IT WASN’T THE CASH DEAL KIND OF A BARTER ARRANGEMENT >> WHAT? >> I EXCHANGED THEM >> FOR WHAT? >> SNOW TIRES ( LAUGHTER ) RON OWNS A GARAGE HAPPY ANNIVERSARY EVERYBODY >> WE’RE NOT COMING TO THE >> PLEASE WELCOME WILLIAM SHATNER >> ISN’T THIS A BEAUTY? THEY CALLED THIS MODEL THE BEEHIVE, OR FOR THOSE MORE SPIRITUALLY INCLINED, THE CATHEDRAL IN 1935 YOU COULD PICK UP A RADIO LIKE THIS FOR ABOUT $19, OR ON THE INSTALLMENT PLAN A $1.58 A MONTH YOU’D TURN IT ON, WARM IT UP, AND AT 6:00 MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY, IF THE SKIES WERE CLEAR, YOU COULD TUNE IN FOR 15 MINUTES OF “BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25th CENTURY.” >> AND NOW FOR BUCK ROGERS AND HIS FRIENDS WITH THEIR THRILLING ADVENTURES 500 YEARS IN THE FUTURE >> THERE, YOU SEE? THE CREATORS OF SCIENCE FICTION WERE PRIMING OUR IMAGINATIONS WAY BACK THEN SO IT’S NO SURPRISE THAT SCI-FI AND FANTASY THRIVED IN THE LIMITLESS NEW VISUAL REALM OF TV TAKE A LOOK >> PORTRAIT OF A FRIGHTENED MAN, MR. ROBERT WILSON TONIGHT HE’S TRAVELING ALL THE WAY TO HIS APPOINTED DESTINATION, WHICH, CONTRARY TO MR. WILSON’S PLAN, HAPPENS TO BE IN THE DARKEST CORNER OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE >> NOW, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME TO SAY? >> NOW, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME TO SAY? TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER? >> DANGER, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER! ALIEN LIFE FORMS! WARNING, WARNING! >> VOILA! ( THEME FROM “MISSION IMPOSSIBLE” PLAYING ) >> YOUR MISSION, SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO ACCEPT IT, IS TO PROVE CORDEN IS, IN FACT, A KILLER, AND PUT HIM AWAY FOR GOOD PLEASE DESTROY THIS RECORDING IN THE USUAL MANNER >> DON’T MAKE ME ANGRY YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY >> Announcer: FROM “EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND,” PATRICIA HEATON >> I HAD NO IDEA THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL WAS LOCATED IN THE SEBTS EYE A FEW YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS A STUDENT MY ROOMMATES AND I USED TO MAKE SURE WE SCHEDULED OUR CLASSS SO WE WOULD NEVER MISS AN EPISODE OF THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS ( APPLAUSE ) WE WERE JUST A FEW OF THE MILLIONS OF VIEWERS THAT ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT DAYTIME DRAMAS SOAP OPERAS, AS THEY WERE ORIGINALLY CALLED, CONTINUE TO FASCINATE VIEWERS OF ALL AGES IN 1937, CBS BEGAN AIRING “GUIDING LIGHT” ON RADIO THIS YEAR THE SHOW CELEBRATES ITS 51st YEAR ON TV AND THE RITUAL CONTINUES, AS LOYAL FANS ALSO TUNE INTO “THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL,” “AS THE WORLD TURNS,” AND “THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.” NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, FOR ACTORS, DAYTIME DRAMA IS A TERRIFIC OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE THEIR CRAFT HERE ARE A FEW FAMOUS FACES YOU

MAY RECOGNIZE AS THEY TOOK THEIR TURN ON CBS SOAPS ♪ IT HAD TO BE YOU IT HAD TO BE YOU ♪ I WANDER AROUND AND FISHLLY FOUND SOMEBODY WHO COULD MAKE ME BE TRUE ♪ COULD MAKE ME BE BLUE ♪ AND EVEN BE GLAD JUST TO BE SAD THINKING OF YOU ♪ SOME OTHERS I HAVE SEENS ♪ MIGHT NEVER BE MEAN ♪ MIGHT NEVER BE CROSS OR TRY TO BE BOSS WHAT THEY WOULDN’T DO ♪ FOR NOBODY ELSE GET ME A TREE WITH ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS I LOVE YOU STILL ♪ HAD T HAD TO BE YOU ♪ IT HAD TO BE YOU ♪ CLEAR >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE IS TONIGHT’S TOP 10 LIST LET’S GO THANK YOU VERY MUCH THANKS FOR INCLUDING ME IN THE FESTIVITIES, AND CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYBODY WHO’S WORKED FOR CBS IN THE PAST AND WHO’S WORKING FOR CBS NOW AND NOBODY TOLD ME THAT IT WAS BLACK TIE ( LAUGHTER ) THE CATEGORY: “TOP 10 WAYS CBS IS CELEBRATING 75 YEARS.” WHAT A REMARKABLE MILESTONE, 75 YEARS “TOP 10 WAYS CBS IS CELEBRATING 75 YEARS.” HERE WE GO >> Announcer: NEXT ON “CBS AT 75,” MIKE WALLACE, ANDY GRIFFITH, JIM NABORS, A LOOK AT AMERICA’S FAVORITE COMEDIES, PLUS EVEN MORE ANNIVERSARY SURPRISES AHEAD >> Announcer: “CBS AT 75” SPONSORED BY: ZIPLOC FOR WHAT LIFE HAS IN STORE AND BY CELEBREX TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT CELEBREX [ Woman ] WITH CELEBREX, I WILL NO LONGER GIVE IN TO THE JOINT PAIN OF OSTEOARTHRITIS [ Woman ] WITH CELEBREX, I WILL NOT STOP AT NINE WHEN I REALLY WANT TO PLAY EIGHTEEN [ Male Announcer ] THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE 23 MILLION PEOPLE WHO HAVE DISCOVERED CELEBREX CELEBREX IS PROVEN STRENGTH IN FACT, DOCTORS PRESCRIBE CELEBREX MORE THAN ANY OTHER BRAND JUST ONE CELEBREX PROVIDES UP TO 24 HOURS OF RELIEF FROM THE PAIN OF OSTEOARTHRITIS ONE PILL. 24 HOURS [ Man ] WITH CELEBREX, I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR PART-TIME RELIEF [ Female Announcer ] CELEBREX SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN IF YOU’VE HAD ASPIRIN SENSITIVE ASTHMA OR ALLERIC REACTIONS DUE TO ASPIRIN OR OTHER ARTHRITIS MEDICINES OR CERTAIN DRUGS CALL SULFONAMIDES IN RARE CASES, SERIOUS STOMACH PROBLEMS SUCH AS BLEEDING CAN OCCUR WITHOUT WARNING TELL YOUR DOCTOR IF YOU HAVE KIDNEY OR LIVER PROBLEMS [ Male Announcer ] IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING WITH JOINT PAIN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP TRYING TO MANAGE IT BY YOURSELF ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT CELEBREX TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR JOINT PAIN WITH THE PROVEN STRENGTH OF CELEBREX [ Woman ] WITH CELEBREX, I WILL NOT GIVE IN (male announcer) TIRED OF THROWING AWAY FREEZER-BURNED FOOD? THE NEW, IMPROVED ZIPLOC FREEZER BAG CAN HELP OUR UNIQUE FREEZEGUARD SEAL HAS AN EXTRA-THICK LAYER OF PLASTIC RIGHT WHERE YOU WANT IT THE MOST: AT THE SEAL ZIPLOC FREEZER BAGS HELP KEEP FRESHNESS IN AND FREEZER BURN OUT HI, PAM YOU COOKING OUT TOO? (announcer) THE IMPROVED ZIPLOC FREEZER BAG, NOW WITH THE FREEZEGUARD SEAL >> Announcer: “CBS AT 75” WILL

CONTINUE HERE ON CBS >> Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MIKE WALLACE >> ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN CBS HISTORY IS SEPTEMBER 24, 1968, FOR THAT NIGHT, AMERICA GOT A GLIMPSE OF SOMETHING NEW WE CALLED IT A “MAGAZINE FOR TELEVISION,” AND WE GAVE IT A NAME THAT SAID EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS: “60 MINUTES.” SINCE THAT NIGHT 35 YEARS AGO, “60 MINUTES” HAS LEFT AN INDELIBLE MARK IT’S THE LONGEST-RUNNING PRIME- TIME PROGRAM ON TELEVISION IT’S WON EVERY AWARD THEY CAN GIVE IT, MORE EMMY AWARDS THAN ANY OTHER NEWS PROGRAM IT’S A SUNDAY NIGHT INSTITUTION THAT FABLED STOPWATCH JUST KEEPS ON TICKING AND IT DOES SO THANKS TO ONE REMARKABLE MAN, THE ONE WHO INVENTED THE PROGRAM, AND WHO KEEPS THAT STOPWATCH TIGHTLY WOUND EVERY WEEK, DON HEWITT DON KNOWS THAT, LIKE ANY GOOD TIMEPIECE, WHAT REALLY MAKES US TICK IS INSIDE– THE PRODUCERS, EDITORS, AND STAFF YOU RARELY SEE THEY KEEP ALL OF US RUNNING AND RUNNING AND RUNNING THE CLOCK FACE ON THAT STOPWATCH

HASN’T CHANGED OVER THE YEARS, BUT A FEW OF OUR FACES HAVE WE LIKE TO THINK THEY’VE ONLY GOTTEN BETTER WITH AGE TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF HERE NOW, A GLIMPSE OF SOME MEMORABLE MOMENTS FROM “60 MINUTES.” >> THIS IS “60 MINUTES.” IT’S A KIND OF A MAGAZINE FOR TELEVISION >> WHAT IS THIS? >> THIS IS “60 MINUTES.” >> WOW >> NO COMMENTS! >> BE CAREFUL, BECAUSE I’M GOING TO CALL MY LAWYER RIGHT NOW! >> I’D LIKE YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE >> OH! >> THE GOOD NEWS IS, WE’RE NOT COPS THE BAD NEWS IS, WE’RE “60 MINUTES.” >> IMAM, PRESIDENT SADAT OF EGYPT, CALLS, YOU IMAM– FORGIVE ME, HIS WORDS, NOT MINE– A LUNATIC >> COULD YOU EXPLAIN TO ME, WHAT THIS STAMP IS? >> I THINK PROBABLY WHAT YOU GUYS OUGHT TO DO IS LEAVE >> WHO IS GENNIFER FLOWERS? YOU KNOW HER? >> OH, YES >> HOW DO YOU KNOW HER? >> ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT GOING TO RUN IN 2004? >> I’VE DECIDED NOT TO RUN >> I MEAN, YOU’RE A CROOK AND A MURDERER! >> THAT’S WHAT THEY SAY DOGGONE, I WISH THEY DIDN’T SAY THAT, THOUGH >> BUT YOU’VE GOT LOTS OF KIDS– SEVEN KIDS WITH FIVE WOMEN, NOT L OF THEM YOU WERE MARRIED TO >> NO >> I DON’T THINK I’VE HAD ANYBODY LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT BEFORE >> GENERAL, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE FOR THIS MISSILE TO REACH THE UNITED STATES? >> 30, 35 MINUTES >> I’M STANDING ON THE BORDER BETWEEN PAKISTAN AND AFGHANISTAN SO FAR AS WE CAN TELL, WE ARE THE ONLY FOOL TELEVISION CREW TO GET INSIDE AFGHANISTAN IN RECENT MONTHS >> IF YOU’RE A REPORTER AND YOU DON’T WANT TO BE RECOGNIZED BY THE HUNDREDS OF AMERICANS IN ROMANIA TRYING TO ADOPT A BABY, YOU WEAR A BLACK WIG, AND YOU RECORD THE WHOLE UNBELIEVABLE SCENE WITH A HOME VIDEO CAMERA >> HOW MUCH IS IT GOING TO COST US? >> $3,500 TO $7,000 >> DO YOU CONSIDER TOBACCO A HEALTH HAZARD? >> NOPE I THINK THAT WHEN THE SECRET TO CANCER IS FINALLY DISCOVERED THAT WE’RE GOING TO FIND THAT IT’S BROUGHT ON BY A VIRUS >> IF YOU HAD YOUR LIFE TO LIVE OVER, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU’D DO DIFFERENTLY? >> THERE ARE MOMENTS, BUT NO ONE THAT STANDS OUT >> WAS THAT THE MEN WHO HELD UP THE KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN? >> NO, SIR >> YOU SURE OF THAT? >> I’M SURE >> IT’S REALLY SAD THAT “60 MINUTES” HAD TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM COULDN’T DO IT >> YOU MUST HAVE SOME FAULTS >> OH, YEAH, I’M GOING TO TELL YOU? THANK GOODNESS I’M FINALLY ON “60 MINUTES” NOW SO I CAN FINALLY GET THEM OFF MY CHEST >> I HATE STUPIDITY >> I LOVE TO BE SWEPT OFF MY FEET >> YOU BLOODY WELL HAVE >> I’D LOVE TO KISS YOU, BUT I JUST WASHED MY HAIR >> SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROLL WELL, YOU’RE BEYOND THAT >> SOME OF THAT’S STILL IN THERE, I THINK >> YOU WOULD LOVE TO CONTROL THIS PIECE >> OF COURSE I DON’T TRUST YOU >> HELLO, MORLEY MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION? IS YOUR WIFE HERE? >> WHAT DO YOU MAKE A WEEK? >> I’D BE ASHAMED TO TELL YOU >> YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DESERVE ALL THIS? >> I DESERVE MORE >> I AM NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT BEING SEXUALLY IMMATURE ON “60 MINUTES.” >> BUT YOU THINK YOU ARE >> IT’S NOT “60 SWINGING MINUTES.” ( SOUND OF CLOCK TICKING ) >> HERE’S LOOKING AT YOU, KID >> I’M MIKE WALLACE >> I’M HARRY REASONER >> I’M MORLEY SAFER >> I’M DAN RATHER >> I’M ED BRADLEY >> I’M DIANE SAWYER >> I’M STEVE KROFT >> I’M MEREDITH VIEIRA >> I’M LESLIE STAHL >> I’M BOB SIMON >> I’M ANDY ROONEY >> WE’LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK WITH ANOTHER EDITION OF “60 MINUTES.” >> SAY, YOU AIN’T HAD ANY LUCK FINDING A JOB, HUH? >> NO, BUT I’M GOING OVER TO THE MARKET NOW THEY’RE ADVERTISING FOR AN EXPERIENCED BUTCHER >> DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CUTTING MEAT? >> DO YOU THINK THEY’LL ASK ME THAT? ( LAUGHTER ) >> Announcer: FROM MAYBERRY R.F.D., PLEASE WELCOME ANDY GRIFFITH AND JIM NABORS >> I APPRECIATE IT THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR THAT WARM WELCOME IT’S GREAT TO BE WITH JIM AGAIN AND SO MANY GOOD FRIENDS GATHERED HERE TONIGHT SOME OF YOUR APPLAUSE I IMAGINE WAS FOR A LITTLE PLACE CALLED MAYBERRY AND THE VALUES IT REPRESENTED >> YOU SAID IT, ANDY DURING THE TURBULENT ’60s, CBS COMEDIES HELPED LIFT OUR SPIRIT, THANKS TO A SMALL-TOWN SHERIFF,

A COUNTRY BOY TURNED MARINE, A FAMILY OF MONSTERS >> AND LORD, JIM, DON’T FORGET THE TALKING HORSE HERE’S HOW CBS KEPT US LAUGHING >> HELLO I’M MR. ED >> SAY, IS IT OKAY IF SAMMY TOSSES ONE TO HIM NICE AND EASY? >> SURE IF ED WANTS TO MAKE A FOOL OF HIMSELF, IT’S OKAY WITH ME ( LAUGHTER ) >> ALL RIGHT, SAMMY, NICE AND EASY, HUH, BUDDY? ( LAUGHTER ) >> DID YOU SEE THAT? >> I DON’T BELIEVE IT >> SLIDE IN! SLIDE! ( LAUGHTER ) >> A LITTLE TEST SPIN WOULDN’T HURT >> HERMAN! ( LAUGHTER ) >> GOMER PYLE, U.S.M.C ( LAUGHTER ) >> PYLE, DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS? IT’S TO TRAIN YOU FOR COMBAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU’RE BEING SHOT AT, PYLE >> SHAZAM, I BETTER GET OVER IT THIS TIME >> ♪ THE SHIP’S AGROUND ON THE SHORE OF THIS ♪ UNCHARTERED DESERT ISLE HERE ON GILLIGAN’S ISLE. ♪ >> WAIT, LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME WE’RE SHIPWRECKED, YOU SEE, AND WE FOUND THIS TELEPHONE LINE, AND WE TAPPED INTO IT AND WE’RE ON A DESERTED ISLAND THERE IS NO TELEPHONE BOOTH OR EVEN A PHONE >> WHY DO I GET ALL THE NUTS? >> ♪ GREEN ACRES IS THE PLACE TO BE. ♪ >> WILL YOU STOP THAT? >> WOULD YOU STOP IT IF YOU WERE HIM WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND HOWLING? IT’S JUST LIKE THAT PLAY, ROMEO AND JULIUS ( LAUGHTER ) >> ♪ LOVE’S A CURVE YOU BET ♪ EVEN MORE, WHEN YOU GET TO THE JUNCTION PETTICOAT JUNCTION. ♪ >> PETTICOAT JUNCTION >> NICE-LOOKING FELLOW, ISN’T HE? >> I THINK HE’S BEAUTIFUL >> DO YOU THINK WE’LL GET TO KEEP HIM? ( LAUGHTER ) >> ♪ THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW OLD JED IS A MILLIONAIRE ♪ THE KINFOLK SAID JED, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE ♪ SAID CALIFORNIA IS THE PLACE YOU OUGHT TO BE ♪ SO THEY LOADED UP THE TRUCK AND THEY MOVED TO BEVERLY– HILLS, THAT IS. ♪ >> HEY, LOOKEE YONDER >> WHAT’S THAT? ( LAUGHTER ) >> WHAT’S SHE RIDING? >> WHOA, GIRL WHOA I MIGHT NOT WIN NO PRIZE FOR MY TOMATERS, BUT WAIT TILL THEM JUDGES TAKE A LOOK AT MY CHICKEN GIDDY UP! ( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER ) >> YOU’LL REGRET THIS >> IS THAT A THREAT? >> NO THREAT– A PROMISE I’M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO >> I’LL KILL HIM I SWEAR I’LL KILL HIM >> TAKE A NUMBER THERE ARE A FEW OF US AHEAD OF YOU ( GUNSHOT ) >> AT THE BETTING SHOPS, THE SUPPOSEDLY DEAD DUSTY, SUE ELLEN’S EX-LOVER, IS THE HOT FAVORITE AT 6-4 SUE ELLEN HERSELF IS 4-1, AND J.R.’s BROTHER, BOBBY, IS QUOTED AT 10-1 ( GUNSHOT ) >> IT WAS YOU, KRISTEN, WHO SHOT J.R OF ANY FULL-SIZE PICKUP THAT TRUCK IS THE NEW FORD F-150 IT HAS A FULLY BOXED FRAME WITH CROSS BARS WELDED THROUGH THE SIDE RAILS ALL OF WHICH GIVES YOU THE HIGHEST PAYLOAD ONLY THIS TRUCK EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE THE NEXT F-150 IF YOU HAVEN’T LOOKED AT FORD LATELY, LOOK AGAIN

HEY, IF YOU WANT ADVANCED MAKEUP– (Chorus) TELL ME MORE YOU CAN JUST ADVANCE ON OUTTA THAT DEPARENT STORE AND RIGHT INTO COVERGIRL AQUASMOOTH THIS ADVANCED VITAMIN FORMULA DOES MORE THAN THE LEADING DEPARTMENT STORE BRAND IT HELPS PREVENT THE APPEARANCE OF FINE LINES (Chorus) CAN IT BE? YOU’LL SEE IT DOESN’T JUST COVER BEAUTIFULLY, IT MAKES YOUR COMPLEXION LOOK BETTER EVERY TIME (Chorus) ♪ BEAUTIFUL. ♪ (Queen Latifah) MORE BEAUTIFUL EVERY TIME THAT’S MY AQUASMOOTH TRY SMOOTHERS MAKEUP TOO (Chorus) ♪ EASY, BREEZY, BEAUTIFUL COVER GIRL. ♪ ♪ JACK? IS THAT YOU? MAN, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC! WHAT THE HECK YOU BEEN DOIN’? EATIN’ CHICKEN (male announcer) THE SECRET’S OUT ONE ORIGINAL RECIPE CHICKEN BREAST HAS JUST 11 GRAMS OF CARBS AND PACKS 40 GRAMS OF PROTEIN SO IF YOU’RE WATCHIN’ CARBS AND GOIN’ HIGH PROTEIN, GO KFC AND NOW, GET A 12-PIECE BUCKET OF KITCHEN-FRESH CHICKEN FOR JUST $9.99 CHICKEN? CHICKEN (announcer) FOR A FRESH WAY TO EAT BETTER, YOU GOTTA KFC WHAT’S COOKIN’ >> THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO SAY GOOD-BYE– GOOD NIGHT, SEE YA LATER, FAREWELL YOU’RE CANCELLED AND PERSONALLY, I LIKE, “THAT’S ALL, FOLKS.” IN THE 75 YEARS OF CBS, THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY FINAL EPISODES AND SO MANY GOOD-BYES SOME MADE US LAUGH, SOME MADE US CRY, BUT THE ONE THING THEY SHARE IS THEY TOUCHED SOMETHING DEEP WITHIN US AND FOREVER BECAME A PART OF WHO WE ARE >> HONEY ( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) HONEY HONEY, WAKE UP YOU WON’T BELIEVE THE DREAM I JUST HAD ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> ALL RIGHT, BOB WHAT IS IT? >> I WAS AN INNKEEPER IN THIS CRAZY LITTLE TOWN IN VERMONT ( LAUGHTER ) >> THAT SETTLES IT NO MORE JAPANESE FOOD BEFORE YOU GO TO BED ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) >> I TREASURE YOU PEOPLE ( LAUGHTER ) >> I THINK WE ALL NEED SOME KLEENEX >> THERE’S SOME ON MARY’S DESK ( LAUGHTER ) >> ♪ IT’S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY IT’S A LONG WAY TO GO ♪ IT’S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY TO THE SWEETEST GIRL I KNOW. ♪ >> LOOK, I KNOW HOW TOUGH IT IS FOR YOU TO SAY GOOD-BYE, SO I’LL SAY IT MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT MAYBE WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN BUT JUST IN CASE WE DON’T, I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MEANT TO ME I’LL MISS YOU >> I’LL MISS YOU A LOT I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT THIS PLACE WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF I HADN’T FOUND YOU HERE ( THEME FROM “M*A*S*H*” PLAYING ) >> WELL, IT WAS AWFULLY NICE TO

BE WITH YOU TONIGHT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW AS MUCH AS WE DID PUTTING IT ON FOR YOU >> ♪ EVERY TIME WE SAY GOOD-BYE I DIE A LITTLE. ♪ >> AND I GUESS THIS IS GOOD-BYE >> SAY GOOD NIGHT >> GOOD NIGHT >> THIS ISN’T REALLY GOOD-BYE IT’S JUST AU REVOIR >> GOOD-BYE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, DO YOU HEAR? >> BYE >> BYE-BYE >> NOW WE SAY, GOOD NIGHT >> GOOD NIGHT >> GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY GOD BLESS YOU >> SO LONG, FOLKS >> ♪ WHEN YOU’RE NEAR THERE’S SUCH AN AIR OF SPRING ABOUT IT ♪ I CAN HEAR A LARK SOMEWHERE BEGIN TO SING ABOUT YOU ♪ THERE IS NO LOVE SONG FOR YOU BUT HOW STRANGE THE CHANGE ♪ FROM MAJOR TO MINOR EVERY TIME WE SAY GOOD-BYE. ♪ >> AND THAT’S THE WAY IT IS, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2003 >> AND THAT’S THE WAY IT IS, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2003 THIS IS WALTER CRONKITE, SAYING GOOD NIGHT >> GOOD NIGHT! >> Announcer: AQUOS, INSPIRING LIQUID CRYSTAL TELEVISION PROVIDED BY SHARP Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org ■ KwOrr >>> SF NEXT, MISSILES FIRED AT AN AMERICAN HELICOPTER IN IRAQ ONE FINDS ITS TARGET ONE LOCAL SOLDIER IS ON BOARD >>> PLUS A FLAT